Yesterday I wrote about forgiveness and why it is so important to work on it, if you hold a grudge against someone. (see yesterday’s blog post) Today, I want to talk about one aspect of forgiveness…our words.
Sometimes when someone has wronged us, we’re very quick to tell the world our tale of woe. We want everyone to know how we have been hurt, and in the process, to also tell the world how badly our antagonist has behaved. We seek vindication that we have been wronged and deserve an apology or retribution. We become gossips.
God commands us to forgive, to avoid gossip and to take up our transgressions directly with our neighbors. In Leviticus 19:16-18 “Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor’s life. I am the Lord. Do not hate a fellow Israelite in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.”
How do we heal ourselves when wronged? How do we allow ourselves to forgive? The Bible tells us to “rebuke our neighbor frankly.” Go directly to the source and tell the person that he has behaved badly. Ask for his apology. If he does not acknowledge his misconduct and refuses to apologize, that then becomes something for God to judge. You spoke to your adversary and got your hurt off your chest. Your job now is to leave it in God’s hands and move on. Be the bigger person. Ask God for help and healing. Let it go.
When we can not leave it behind, dwell upon how we have been wronged, and gossip about it, we become no better than the person who has wronged us. Our words condemn us. Our hurt and anger can consume us. Instead of offering forgiveness, we now need to ask for it. I have been guilty of this behavior, and it doesn’t feel good. I've worked on it and hope that I handle things better now. I’m sure you’re guilty of it too. There is no healing.
We have a choice in how we use our words to create forgiveness and healing, or continue the spiral of hurt. Proverbs 12:18 says, “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” I suggest this applies to both the wrong-doer and the wronged.
Sometimes our moms did give some really good advice, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Exercising restraint from gossip when you feel that you have been wronged will go a long way toward healing and forgiveness, both for you and for the one who has hurt you.
When you have been hurt or wronged by someone, do you tell the whole world? Does it solve your problem? Does your heart feel better? What else have you done to resolve an issue of being wronged? Were you able to forgive?
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